When I was a child I loved art. I loved making art. I loved looking at art. I had this emotional experience when it came to art. I still have an emotional experience when I view art. People laugh at me when I try to explain it, but I feel paintings. I see a drawing on a wall of a girl playing in a field of flowers and my heart sings. I don't know how to describe it. My soul connects with art and music in a way it that it just doesn't connect with other things. Somewhere along the way, I lost the drive to draw or paint. I'm not sure when it happened, but at some point during my teenage years, I stopped drawing and painting. I stopped creating and I lost my emotional connection to create. I lost that part of who I was.
Today I realized just how much I miss it. As I sat looking at a blank space on the wall of my room all I could think was I should really paint something to put there. I don't know where the thought came from, I wasn't even sure the voice in my head was mine, but I knew the voice was right. I should paint something to put there.
This thought terrified me. It's been more than 10 years since I put a brush on canvas. Almost 20 since I drew anything with my charcoals. I was a teenager the last time I sculpted anything from clay. Can I still do any of this? Do I still have the love for it that I did before? What if I'm no longer good at it?
The honest answer is I don't really care if I'm not any good. I want to paint! I want to draw. I want that part of me that used to love to create things back. I think whatever you find in life that makes you happy as a child, is something you should enjoy your whole life. After all, when we are children we're not yet jaded by the world that tells us we aren't any good. We do things because we like to do them, even if they don't make sense. Even if those things are silly and do nothing but make us smile. As children, we follow our hearts more than our heads and I think as adults maybe we need to do that too.