I've been struggling lately with a lot of things.
I've been sick for what feels like the whole month of January. A cold that became bronchitis that becomes something else entirely (I'm not even sure what) at times made me feel like I wasn't going to make it past cold and flu season. All while trying to work my full-time job, be an "Adult" and build Chasing Happiness into a business and community that will allow me to support myself while helping others, has left me very overwhelmed.
I'm overwhelmed by how many things need to be done in the course of a day.
I'm overwhelmed by how little time I feel like I have these days for the things I want to do because so much time is taken up by the things I have to do.
I'm overwhelmed by my own need for change.
I'm so overwhelmed by the needs of others around me that I feel like I've stopped making myself a priority.
And that ladies and gentlemen is the rub…….
Sooner or later, even the best of us....the ones who try hard, who push others to learn the lessons we have struggled to learn over the years, even we fail at what we teach from time to time. We slip back into old habits and routines that we had for so many years because they become second nature when you begin to operate on autopilot. We fall back into the processes that lead us to look for change to begin with. We all fail sometimes.
This is what happens to me when I become overwhelmed. I start operating on the old "Get up, go to work, come home, eat, sleep and get up and do it all over again" mentality that used to run my life. I find myself in this pattern over the last few weeks and it kills me.
It kills me because it's taken me years to become who I am today. Years of hard work, self-reflection, personal growth and consistent monitoring of my own behaviors to be sure I can break these old habits. So finding that I have allowed them all to creep back into my life (even if just temporarily) is disappointing. It's upsetting in ways I'm not even sure I fully understand yet. Odds are (because I know myself) it will take weeks of self-reflection and journaling to be able to understand exactly what I feel about all of this.
It's hard to explain to anyone why an action you've taken (or not taken as the case may be) is so upsetting to you, when you don't fully understand it yourself. What I can explain is that I recognize that this is all based on my lack of being connected to myself over the last few weeks. I do understand that only I can change this behaviour and get myself back on track. I also understand that I am human and sometimes I'm going to slip up. I'm going to fall back into old habits and the only thing that will stop this from happening again is putting a process in place to monitor myself for when it does happen so it doesn't become weeks of slipping backward.
The lesson here, aside from the fact that I need to get back on track, is that we are ALL human. We will all fall sometimes and fail at what we are trying to achieve. The great thing is, we can pick our selves back up, dust ourselves off and try again.
That's my goal for February! To get myself back on track. Become connected with my soul again and be aware of my body health and mental health daily.
So if you're reading this I hope you do the same.
Cut yourself a break, YOU ARE HUMAN, It's okay to make mistakes, to fall down, to fail at things you've worked hard at.
You just need to stop beating yourself up when it happens and be okay with the fact that you can do better tomorrow.